Calling All Brothers

To anyone who knows me it is no secret that, second to becoming a Koke, my biggest desire is to join a fraternity.  Now seeing my obvious interest in Greek life, the logical thing to do would be to join a sorority, because those are for the people with vaginas and feelings.  Like me.  However, there are many reasons why joining a fraternity just sounds way more fun.

First of all, girls are catty.  Have you seen Mean Girls?  Of course you have, everyone has, so you know that girls are just hard to read.  I seriously take pity on all you straight men out there who have to deal with us.  I don't even know what I'm feeling/thinking/doing half the time, but yes, I will continue to expect you to.  Guys are just so much more accepting, there's something to be said for brotherhood.

I also just seem to get along better with guys.  This fact has been proven time and again.  And while I don't believe men and women can be "just friends" I prefer to hang out with guys.  This is why I don't have many female friends, it's not that I don't want them, I just don't really know how to act around them.  It's easy to talk to members of the opposite sex because really it's just flirting, but when I actually have to have a conversation that's not based in physical attraction, I'm lost.  If I say "we should hang out sometime" and flash a cute smile to a girl I'm pretty sure I'm not actually going to get anywhere unless I start hanging around Crozier a bit more.

Back to the point though.  Fraternities seem so much more fun than sororities.  Last year during rush week was when I truly realized this.  The activities for the sororities were along the lines of "come to our tea party and then we'll watch Sex and the City while talking about our feelings and cutting out paper snowflakes, OMG!" while the fraternities offered the more lucrative option of "come over for a beer before we go out to lazer tag and stuff our faces with wings, and then when we get back we're going to smash up a car, FUCKYEAH!"  Now, I want you to examine these options and tell me to my face that the fraternities don't sound like more fun.  When I come home after a bad day I don't want Mary Beth handing me a cosmo and a fluffy pillow while we cry together over a pint of ice cream, I want my brothers to hand me a bat and tell me to beat the shit out of an old car.  But then again, this could just be because all my feelings manifest themselves in rage.  I also just love wings.  Like seriously, I could live off of wings.

I've considered creating an alter ego to make my dreams come true.  His name is Kyle.  He's feminine looking but please don't point that out, it hurts his feelings and then he'll beat you up.  Kyle wears baggy clothes and is often seen with a backwards baseball cap and a toothpick in his mouth to make him seem more "gangsta."  Kyle will also be auditioning for the Kokes, he's a 1st tenor but his real strengths lie in beat-boxing and rapping.  Word.

Meet Kyle and let him beatbox his way into your heart.

 But honestly I don't really want to hide my true gender, so I am making a formal inquiry to all the fraternities on campus:  Do YOU want to be the groundbreaking Greek group to accept a member of the opposite sex?  Do YOU want to push the limits of tradition and bring a sister into the brotherhood?  Then I want YOU to let me rush next semester.  I'll be accepting offers from any and all fraternities starting right now.  I will also be accepting offers from the Kokes, I promise you that "Little Red Corvette" could really be spiced up with a rap section.  GO!