So I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving break! I didn't, I was sick, but that's okay I can live vicariously through everyone else. Now we're back and realizing it's time for finals and misery and I personally am going to hide in my room and watch Once Upon a Time while hanging up Christmas lights until I'm forced to actually do work. These three awkward weeks between breaks are some of my favorite, they bring back fond memories of many things including midnight breakfast, snow, Club Olin, and Like a Little.
Now, around this time last year I was sleeping through French class, excited about the first snow and looking forward to finals week. This is because I didn't have any finals during finals week, but I was too lazy to figure that out when my mom was bugging me to book my flight home. As a result I sat in my room for a week watching the snow out my window and Law and Order SVU, eating chocolate, and bothering my roommate who was manically studying. But there was one thing above all that kept me entertained through finals week, even more so than my needlepoint project. It was...Like a Little. DUN DUN.
Now if you look at it from an objective standpoint, Like a Little never stood a chance, bad timing bit the LAL fad in the ass, but it had a hell of a run. There were a few brave souls who tried to LAL across coasts but they were far too sentimental for what LAL had become and were shot down by bitter single people who hate love (hey-o!).
I'm gunning for LAL to make a comeback this year and there are some solid reasons why. Also I like making lists, they're an easy way out of actually writing something.
1.) I need a new procrastination website and LAL had new posts like every five seconds. Always something new and slightly disturbing.
2.) Remember how fun it was to be sitting in Peirce and looking around to try and figure out who was being Like a Littled? Same goes for Olin and Gund Commons. Also the fact that it spawned a new verb, "Like a Littled" you have to have some serious power to get your own verb.
3.) I will be the first to admit that I scanned LAL every day seeing if I was Like a Littled. That's not weird, right? Nothing wrong with a little self confidence boost. Or self confidence killer.
4.) It's a great way to practice your creative writing and get in the holiday spirit at the same time! But let's try to think of something more imaginative than Santa going up your chimney, that was so last year.
My only problem with Like a Little is that it allows people to avoid actually talking to each other about how attracted they are. Which in the end is sort of counter productive to what LAL is trying to do. I get the whole "anonymous flirting" thing but come on, these are the last few weeks of the semester, might as well get laid. I guarantee it will keep you warmer than that ugly Christmas sweater. Even if it is ironic.
This is why I'm also proposing an idea for a new website: Like a Little Too Much. You anonymously send your cleverly worded sentence directly to that person's email where he or she can either agree to meet you or reject you and rip your soul out. And when you're rejected it's posted on the website so I have something funny to look at. Like America's Funniest Home Videos, we all like to laugh at pain.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Calling All Brothers
To anyone who knows me it is no secret that, second to becoming a Koke, my biggest desire is to join a fraternity. Now seeing my obvious interest in Greek life, the logical thing to do would be to join a sorority, because those are for the people with vaginas and feelings. Like me. However, there are many reasons why joining a fraternity just sounds way more fun.
First of all, girls are catty. Have you seen Mean Girls? Of course you have, everyone has, so you know that girls are just hard to read. I seriously take pity on all you straight men out there who have to deal with us. I don't even know what I'm feeling/thinking/doing half the time, but yes, I will continue to expect you to. Guys are just so much more accepting, there's something to be said for brotherhood.
I also just seem to get along better with guys. This fact has been proven time and again. And while I don't believe men and women can be "just friends" I prefer to hang out with guys. This is why I don't have many female friends, it's not that I don't want them, I just don't really know how to act around them. It's easy to talk to members of the opposite sex because really it's just flirting, but when I actually have to have a conversation that's not based in physical attraction, I'm lost. If I say "we should hang out sometime" and flash a cute smile to a girl I'm pretty sure I'm not actually going to get anywhere unless I start hanging around Crozier a bit more.
Back to the point though. Fraternities seem so much more fun than sororities. Last year during rush week was when I truly realized this. The activities for the sororities were along the lines of "come to our tea party and then we'll watch Sex and the City while talking about our feelings and cutting out paper snowflakes, OMG!" while the fraternities offered the more lucrative option of "come over for a beer before we go out to lazer tag and stuff our faces with wings, and then when we get back we're going to smash up a car, FUCKYEAH!" Now, I want you to examine these options and tell me to my face that the fraternities don't sound like more fun. When I come home after a bad day I don't want Mary Beth handing me a cosmo and a fluffy pillow while we cry together over a pint of ice cream, I want my brothers to hand me a bat and tell me to beat the shit out of an old car. But then again, this could just be because all my feelings manifest themselves in rage. I also just love wings. Like seriously, I could live off of wings.
I've considered creating an alter ego to make my dreams come true. His name is Kyle. He's feminine looking but please don't point that out, it hurts his feelings and then he'll beat you up. Kyle wears baggy clothes and is often seen with a backwards baseball cap and a toothpick in his mouth to make him seem more "gangsta." Kyle will also be auditioning for the Kokes, he's a 1st tenor but his real strengths lie in beat-boxing and rapping. Word.
But honestly I don't really want to hide my true gender, so I am making a formal inquiry to all the fraternities on campus: Do YOU want to be the groundbreaking Greek group to accept a member of the opposite sex? Do YOU want to push the limits of tradition and bring a sister into the brotherhood? Then I want YOU to let me rush next semester. I'll be accepting offers from any and all fraternities starting right now. I will also be accepting offers from the Kokes, I promise you that "Little Red Corvette" could really be spiced up with a rap section. GO!
First of all, girls are catty. Have you seen Mean Girls? Of course you have, everyone has, so you know that girls are just hard to read. I seriously take pity on all you straight men out there who have to deal with us. I don't even know what I'm feeling/thinking/doing half the time, but yes, I will continue to expect you to. Guys are just so much more accepting, there's something to be said for brotherhood.
I also just seem to get along better with guys. This fact has been proven time and again. And while I don't believe men and women can be "just friends" I prefer to hang out with guys. This is why I don't have many female friends, it's not that I don't want them, I just don't really know how to act around them. It's easy to talk to members of the opposite sex because really it's just flirting, but when I actually have to have a conversation that's not based in physical attraction, I'm lost. If I say "we should hang out sometime" and flash a cute smile to a girl I'm pretty sure I'm not actually going to get anywhere unless I start hanging around Crozier a bit more.
Back to the point though. Fraternities seem so much more fun than sororities. Last year during rush week was when I truly realized this. The activities for the sororities were along the lines of "come to our tea party and then we'll watch Sex and the City while talking about our feelings and cutting out paper snowflakes, OMG!" while the fraternities offered the more lucrative option of "come over for a beer before we go out to lazer tag and stuff our faces with wings, and then when we get back we're going to smash up a car, FUCKYEAH!" Now, I want you to examine these options and tell me to my face that the fraternities don't sound like more fun. When I come home after a bad day I don't want Mary Beth handing me a cosmo and a fluffy pillow while we cry together over a pint of ice cream, I want my brothers to hand me a bat and tell me to beat the shit out of an old car. But then again, this could just be because all my feelings manifest themselves in rage. I also just love wings. Like seriously, I could live off of wings.
I've considered creating an alter ego to make my dreams come true. His name is Kyle. He's feminine looking but please don't point that out, it hurts his feelings and then he'll beat you up. Kyle wears baggy clothes and is often seen with a backwards baseball cap and a toothpick in his mouth to make him seem more "gangsta." Kyle will also be auditioning for the Kokes, he's a 1st tenor but his real strengths lie in beat-boxing and rapping. Word.
 |
| Meet Kyle and let him beatbox his way into your heart. |
But honestly I don't really want to hide my true gender, so I am making a formal inquiry to all the fraternities on campus: Do YOU want to be the groundbreaking Greek group to accept a member of the opposite sex? Do YOU want to push the limits of tradition and bring a sister into the brotherhood? Then I want YOU to let me rush next semester. I'll be accepting offers from any and all fraternities starting right now. I will also be accepting offers from the Kokes, I promise you that "Little Red Corvette" could really be spiced up with a rap section. GO!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
This Is Where We Live...
I found this little gem on youtube the other night, and it's just too good not to share. Keep in mind Kenyon students, this is where we live.
I'm planning on taking this to the film department and asking if they can screen it in one of their classes. I personally think it offers great insight into the art of filmmaking, especially when it comes to making documentaries or news stories. I've even taken the liberty of starting an in depth analysis that could be used as a lesson plan if they so choose. Here's a sneak peak:
We can see that the filmmakers cleverly used techno music to set the mood of the Fox Hole, the fast paced music also complements the manic conversation. Symbolism is also present when the filmmakers opted to show a picture of the moon instead of the edgier choice of showing the old man's saggy butt. I guess we can't all push the limits of art.
The climax of this piece is really when the old man charges the "reporter" and what's brilliant about it is that you're not expecting it. He can move pretty fast coming out of absolutely nowhere, kind of like a perverted, senile Batman. Now that's what I call a plot twist!
However, in this coming of age blockbuster, above all I think these two men offer some solid advice on becoming a man and knowing that it's okay to be curious about strip clubs. The brilliant line, "you can go in there if you want, there's pretty nice tits in there, you might learn something" brought tears to my eyes. So, I expect an increase in patronage at the Fox Hole. I personally have also found strip clubs to be the most educational tool in female anatomy and I'm glad there are people out there who agree with me.
Sidenote: The crazy man's accent...what is that?
These aspiring filmmakers have a whole youtube channel on the happenings in Mount Vernon, unfortunately none of their other videos are quite as amusing. Although I will say the interview with a war veteran was very enlightening. Apparently using TNT as bait when fishing is a bad idea, especially if you tie it to a metal pole and are using a row-boat. Who'd have known!?
I'm planning on taking this to the film department and asking if they can screen it in one of their classes. I personally think it offers great insight into the art of filmmaking, especially when it comes to making documentaries or news stories. I've even taken the liberty of starting an in depth analysis that could be used as a lesson plan if they so choose. Here's a sneak peak:
We can see that the filmmakers cleverly used techno music to set the mood of the Fox Hole, the fast paced music also complements the manic conversation. Symbolism is also present when the filmmakers opted to show a picture of the moon instead of the edgier choice of showing the old man's saggy butt. I guess we can't all push the limits of art.
The climax of this piece is really when the old man charges the "reporter" and what's brilliant about it is that you're not expecting it. He can move pretty fast coming out of absolutely nowhere, kind of like a perverted, senile Batman. Now that's what I call a plot twist!
However, in this coming of age blockbuster, above all I think these two men offer some solid advice on becoming a man and knowing that it's okay to be curious about strip clubs. The brilliant line, "you can go in there if you want, there's pretty nice tits in there, you might learn something" brought tears to my eyes. So, I expect an increase in patronage at the Fox Hole. I personally have also found strip clubs to be the most educational tool in female anatomy and I'm glad there are people out there who agree with me.
Sidenote: The crazy man's accent...what is that?
These aspiring filmmakers have a whole youtube channel on the happenings in Mount Vernon, unfortunately none of their other videos are quite as amusing. Although I will say the interview with a war veteran was very enlightening. Apparently using TNT as bait when fishing is a bad idea, especially if you tie it to a metal pole and are using a row-boat. Who'd have known!?
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Karma and Kourse Registration
Since my parents are the only ones who read this blog (love you mom and dad!) there's not much I can say about my weekend except that karma, bitch that she is, hit me hard Monday morning with a good old case of the Kenyon Krud. I deserved it though. Word to the wise: Kenyon's a bit too small sometimes, especially when you're out on a Friday night finding a rebound.
Seriously, the worst part about being sick in college is that there's no one to take care of you, and now that I'm newly single this realization hit me doubly hard. I had to stagger out of bed to heat up ramen all by myself, and I'm sure my suite-mate has been scarred for life at the sight of an unbathed me, kleenex hanging out my nose and hovering over the microwave. Apart from my two or three ventures to make soup, my day consisted of sleeping and watching crappy rom-coms on Netflix instant.
It was what I would call an uneventful day, that is until I was awoken from my slumbers by the soulful stylings of the one, the only, Johnny Melodica! I have been waiting for this day since move-in, the day when I would witness my suite-mate's alter-ego, the day my life would have meaning. My head was pounding, and my throat felt like weasels were clawing my esophagus but I was happy, so happy. However, I am now beating myself up over the fact that I was too feverish/ecstatic to remember the new song he was practicing! Failure, I totally deserve ten more days of the Krud for that. But for a few brief moments, through the cement block walls on the 9th floor of Caples, I heard a "melodica soloooooo" live!
So now that your life has been forever changed, you can continue to read about mine. The bad karma continued through Tuesday, only now it manifested itself in the form of online registration. I am saddened to say that I AM THE 1% (of students who had problems with online registration). I literally got registered for one class. There were errors with the other 6 I tried. I spent a good 15 minutes after my registration time finding random classes that looked mildly interesting and trying to register for them all while reading everyone else's Facebook statuses about how they got all their classes and it was ZOMGSOEAZZZYYY.
Whatever.
My experience with online registration was more like an abusive relationship. It actually got very personal when I started speaking to the courses as if they were real people...
Survey of Art, I know that the freshmen are very exciting, they're new and not afraid to try different departments, but do you really need to keep 15 spots open? Ditto for you, Intro to Cultural Anthropology. I spend every day slaving over the online course worksheet for you, trying to fit you in. I would have gotten up at 8 AM for you, and this is how you repay me? Leave me out in the cold, trying to find refuge in another section? And Stat Analysis in Psych, nowhere in your description does it say that Research Methods is a prerequisite for you. I've been around the Psych department for a semester already, I'm very experienced, I promise you won't be disappointed. So get your shit together, then we can register. But after this morning I expect you to take me out to dinner. At the Kenyon Inn. And don't even try to pay with your K-Card, my Chicken Saltimbocca is coming out of your pocket.
Now before I leave you and your perfect second semester course schedule, I have a parting thought. I bought this box of "cool touch" kleenex today from the Market that claims to "immediately feel cool to the skin." And they DO! I thought it was a hoax, I only bought them because they were in the biggest box and my nose is running like Niagara Falls; but then I used them and they actually are cold. I know what you're thinking, "Kisky, they're only cold because you carried them outside from the Market back to Caples" but you would be wrong! So wrong! I am using them now, many hours after bringing them back, and each kleenex is nice and cool on my irritated, red nose. I am in awe. And clearly on too much cold medicine.
Seriously, the worst part about being sick in college is that there's no one to take care of you, and now that I'm newly single this realization hit me doubly hard. I had to stagger out of bed to heat up ramen all by myself, and I'm sure my suite-mate has been scarred for life at the sight of an unbathed me, kleenex hanging out my nose and hovering over the microwave. Apart from my two or three ventures to make soup, my day consisted of sleeping and watching crappy rom-coms on Netflix instant.
It was what I would call an uneventful day, that is until I was awoken from my slumbers by the soulful stylings of the one, the only, Johnny Melodica! I have been waiting for this day since move-in, the day when I would witness my suite-mate's alter-ego, the day my life would have meaning. My head was pounding, and my throat felt like weasels were clawing my esophagus but I was happy, so happy. However, I am now beating myself up over the fact that I was too feverish/ecstatic to remember the new song he was practicing! Failure, I totally deserve ten more days of the Krud for that. But for a few brief moments, through the cement block walls on the 9th floor of Caples, I heard a "melodica soloooooo" live!
So now that your life has been forever changed, you can continue to read about mine. The bad karma continued through Tuesday, only now it manifested itself in the form of online registration. I am saddened to say that I AM THE 1% (of students who had problems with online registration). I literally got registered for one class. There were errors with the other 6 I tried. I spent a good 15 minutes after my registration time finding random classes that looked mildly interesting and trying to register for them all while reading everyone else's Facebook statuses about how they got all their classes and it was ZOMGSOEAZZZYYY.
Whatever.
My experience with online registration was more like an abusive relationship. It actually got very personal when I started speaking to the courses as if they were real people...
Survey of Art, I know that the freshmen are very exciting, they're new and not afraid to try different departments, but do you really need to keep 15 spots open? Ditto for you, Intro to Cultural Anthropology. I spend every day slaving over the online course worksheet for you, trying to fit you in. I would have gotten up at 8 AM for you, and this is how you repay me? Leave me out in the cold, trying to find refuge in another section? And Stat Analysis in Psych, nowhere in your description does it say that Research Methods is a prerequisite for you. I've been around the Psych department for a semester already, I'm very experienced, I promise you won't be disappointed. So get your shit together, then we can register. But after this morning I expect you to take me out to dinner. At the Kenyon Inn. And don't even try to pay with your K-Card, my Chicken Saltimbocca is coming out of your pocket.
Now before I leave you and your perfect second semester course schedule, I have a parting thought. I bought this box of "cool touch" kleenex today from the Market that claims to "immediately feel cool to the skin." And they DO! I thought it was a hoax, I only bought them because they were in the biggest box and my nose is running like Niagara Falls; but then I used them and they actually are cold. I know what you're thinking, "Kisky, they're only cold because you carried them outside from the Market back to Caples" but you would be wrong! So wrong! I am using them now, many hours after bringing them back, and each kleenex is nice and cool on my irritated, red nose. I am in awe. And clearly on too much cold medicine.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
The Kenyon Divorce
The worst thing that could ever happen, happened to me today...
THE CAPLES ELEVATOR IS OUT OF SERVICE
I live on the 9th floor. This is a big deal.
In fact, this is almost on par with the time I noticed the statue in front of Cromwell Cottage had been moved and I was disoriented for a week. I have a small mind, change scares me. Exercise also scares me, hence why I will camp out in the Caples kitchen until the elevator is fixed. Hopefully people will bake me things.
In other news, the Kenyon divorce. Have you ever thought about it? If there's a Kenyon marriage, it's inevitable that eventually there will be a Kenyon divorce. Having recently gone through one of these, I can give some tips to those of you also realizing you have to actually talk to other people at Kenyon.
1. You already bought a plane ticket to see him/her over break: Well shoot! That was a bad move. Maybe next time you should make sure your relationship is stable before you agree to fly across the country to share hot chocolate and mistletoe. You have two options here: 1.) Find another guy or girl who lives in the same state and convince them that you're an orphan and need a place to stay over Christmas. 2.) Try to get a refund, you probably won't (airlines suck) then spend Christmas at home getting drunk, dressing up as Santa and yelling at happy couples.
2. You're going through a custody battle over something (mutual friends, a stray cat you took in together, books for classes you're taking, alcohol): Since college students are poor and can't afford real lawyers, you'll have to figure this one out for yourself. You better hope you're the more likable one out of the couple. But just know that I'm currently practicing divorce law out of my room. There's a market for it, and I need the money to make up for that plane ticket!
3. You have seminar together: Well don't skip seminar, that would be silly! Go to class late and apologize that your new boyfriend Pierre "just won't let you get out of bed" ooh la la whatever will you do!
4. You're sharing a suite/apartment/universe: Well that was a bad idea. You should never live with your significant other, but I understand, you thought you'd be "together forever" and now you're stuck together for the rest of the year. Bummer. Well the only logical thing to do would be to force him out. Walmart has everything, I'm sure you can find noxious gases, loud buzzers, and chainsaws in the section with all the camouflage.
5. You left your stuff in his/her room: Around four in the morning, sneak into his room with the spare key you had made and stage a burglary. Take all your things and some of his. Then make a huge bonfire with the things of his you took.
6. He's clearly moved on and you haven't: Well fuck that.
However, if you don't want to end up in jail or on the Dateline special "My Crazy Ex" maybe you should just take a deep breath, put on a smile, and find a rebound. At least one other person is bound to find you attractive.
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