Merry Kyle-mas!

Kyle wanted to wish you all a very merry Christmas, and when Kyle gets his mind set on something...well...you'll just have to see for yourself.

While Kyle may not be the best at lip-synching, this video is guaranteed to at least be less disturbing than The Santa Clause.  A movie whose whole premise is that Time Allen KILLS Santa and then steals his identity and his staff of sociopathic child-elves who don't seem to care at all that Santa Claus DIED.  My mom didn't let us watch that movie as kids because she didn't want us thinking that Tim Allen was Santa...or that you could become Santa through involuntary manslaughter.

It is also less creepy than Oh Ho Ho, the decorative Santa head with real human teeth that was once owned by my great grandfather, the dentist. 

However, it does resemble a train wreck, a car crash and any other horrific event that you just can't seem to peel your eyes away from.  So, without further ado, Kyle and I wish you all a very merry Christmas!

Home for the Holidays

So it's officially winter break and that means you and all of your old friends (and people who think they're your friends) are back home!  Great.  That means listening to everyone's CrAzY college stories, telling that guy you're still not interested, eating your weight in Christmas cookies, and having that annual conversation with your relatives that yes you still want to be an actress, no you have not grown out of it, yes you are out of your mind, please pass the sparkling cider.  Oh, that's just me?  Well, you're missing out on prime familial disappointment, let me tell you.

Winter break is funny...all those people you swore you'd never see again after you left for college, you'll see them.  It's like when you were still in high school and told your parents they should treat you like an adult because "in a few years I'll be in the REAL WORLD!"  And then you got to college and realized it's the farthest thing from the real world you will ever experience.  Yeah, life is like that.  You come home for the holidays and realize that though you may have left, absolutely nothing else has changed.

Except that is, for all of the best friends you seem to have acquired.  You don't realize how many "friends" you had in high school until you come home for break.  Suddenly nearly every 18-20 year old is your old chum and wants to catch up at holiday themed parties chock full of peppermint bark and self promotion.  It's hard being the only one at a college no one knows about.  All of your friends want to make sure you know that they're having a great time majoring in business/advertising/chemistry, have rushed Theta Alpha Zeta Beta Phi and let's face it, there are only so many times I can hear about frat parties and fast food restaurants on campus before I want to stone people with the pebbles on Middle Path.  Kenyon is cool too guys!  We had a movie filmed on campus over the summer with that guy from How I Met Your Mother...no, not Neil Patrick Harris...

So I'm bracing myself to spend another winter break convincing people that just because it's in the middle of farmland, Kenyon is not a vocational school, and after they believe that it's actually a liberal arts school, that I do not spend my days singing songs, holding hands, and occupying everything.

But really it's the questions from my family that put the cherry on top of winter break.  Not only do I have to defend my major, lack of boyfriend, and the fact that I do actually have social skills, but my brother just got accepted to all three of the schools he applied to.  With large scholarships.  While he gets to celebrate and bathe in hundred dollar bills, I get reminded that I spent my winter break senior year frantically writing supplement essays after I got deferred from Vassar.  I was forced to finish one application a day for a week...and when I say forced I mean my mother all but chained me to the kitchen table as I slowly regressed to childhood, surrounded by coloring books and sucking my thumb.  I don't actually know all the schools I applied to, my mom just opened the laptop and told me to write.  After a day of that she gave up and wrote helped me write two generic application essays which were then Frankenstein-ed together to fit any application's supplement.

But really, I'm happy to be home with my queen sized bed and shower that I don't have to wear flip-flops in.  And I have the 007 Days of Christmas marathon to look forward to!  So really, in the grand scheme of things, what's not to love about break?

PS:  My mom and dad really do love me and support my crazy dreams.  I should give them credit for living with a perpetual five year old, they really are great.

The Big Friendly Elephant in the Room

Hey you!  Yes, you!  Congrats on surviving finals!  I just finished and am in a weird manic state of too tired to function yet still don't feel like its okay to sleep for 17 hours until I have to get on the shuttle to CMH.  I have in the past week broken two mugs and a terrarium, downed approximately 100 cups of coffee, slept a total of 7 hours, and read more on modernist theater than anyone ever cared to know.  So manic is kind of my thing.  I make it work.

However, I have had time to peruse Facebook during my week from hell and I don't know about you, but one video in particular kept blowing up my newsfeed.  In my opinion there's only so many times people can "share" a video until it's been on everyone's newsfeed and should stop being posted.

So without further ado, let me share with you a video you've probably already seen too many times:

Here's the thing.  I already knew this.  This was already established 20 years ago:

Sidenote:  You only really need to watch the first minute of this clip, the rest is superfluous.  Except it really is a great movie...with a really great soundtrack.  So maybe you should watch the rest of the clip.  And then go to Netflix, I think it's still on instant.  It's not like you're doing anything better with your time right now.

So, I totally believe this!  This is not even up for debate!  Men and women simply cannot be just friends no matter how many girls refuse to pull their heads out of the sand.  Either he was attracted to you or you were attracted to him at some point, I don't care when or for how long but it happened.  Personally I have never been able to have a male "just friend."  It's kind of like a sneak attack, one day you're best buds and the next day you're waking to up a foggy memory of making out to the soft background noise of Titanic.  Again.

That being said, being "friends with benefits" is simply not feasible either.  Sorry I'm not sorry, there's no way that works unless you're a heartless monster or a man.  Emotions always get in the way.  Sex gets in the way of emotions, emotions get in the way of sex, the world is round.  What else is new?

Now, go home and hook up with someone new, we've all been dealing with the incestuous hook-up culture that is Kenyon for too long.  I bet that "friend" from high school would be willing.

What is Studying?

A (short) list of TV shows you should be watching right now but probably aren't because you're more responsible than me.  But if you need a study break (or an excuse to continue to not study), get on Hulu or Sidereel and maybe after you watch all 9 episodes of American Horror Story in one sitting it will finally start snowing.  Or you'll need to turn a nightlight on.  It's a toss up.

1.  Once Upon a Time:  This is what I image my life to be like.  No, you're wrong, I'm not actually a student at Kenyon College, I'm a princess who just happens to have fallen under an evil spell and can't remember my previous life.  The writers of this TV show totally read my middle school diary.  The only problem is that every time I finish an episode I want to listen to Adele and look listlessly out my window for Prince Charming.  Then I remember I'm in college...and laugh.

2.  American Horror Story:  Watch this show for Jessica Lange's character, Constance.  Do it.  Now.  Why are you still reading this?  I don't even have anything clever to say about it.

3.  New Girl:  Sometimes I think the parallels between Jess and what I would be like if I hadn't learned to not always speak my internal monologues are a little too close.  But actually.  This show makes me laugh for the whole 30 minutes, every time.  And while I'm not a huge fan of Zooey Deschanel as an actress, I am a fan of proving that women can be hilarious.  That, and I really want this to happen to me at some point in my life.  Those are some real men.

4.  Bones:  Come for the dead bodies, stay for the characters.  Oh, and the fact that this might be one of the first shows to actually resolve the sexual tension between the main characters, and survive.  Booth and Brennan 4LYFE!

Well I still have half an episode of Bones some reading left.  I hope this at least gave you a solid five minutes of procrastination.