The 6 Guys You'll Hook Up With At Kenyon

So I recently watched the College Humor video, "The 6 Girls You'll Date in College" and I decided I wanted to make my own little list, but let's be honest, there isn't a whole lot of dating at Kenyon.  So I present to you "The 6 Guys You'll Hook Up With at Kenyon":

1.  The Athlete - You have never been to the KAC, you don't do the KAC but somehow you manage to forget that when the cute "insert sports team here" player asks if you want to work out together.  You did track in Jr. High, you can fake your way on the treadmill and let's be honest, Kenyon athletes can't be that hard-core, right?  Wrong.  You'll make a total ass of yourself but thankfully he's only paying attention to how your real ass looks in yoga pants.  And while his stamina is annoying now, you'll be thankful for it later.

2.  The DKE/AD - OhMyGaWd the Bullseye would be so totally cool to hook up in.  Wait, people can just walk in here?  Um, no thank you.

3.  The Nice Guy - A lot guys at Kenyon fall under "Nice Guy".  They're the boys you were friends with in high school: non-menacing, sweater-wearing, club-joining nice guys.  With the pickings pretty slim here, the nice guys are finally getting their moment.  Although you may find yourself in some sort of weird monogamous hook-up relationship since now your boy's found someone who thinks he's cute he may not want to risk straying.

4.  The ___cest Guy - This category envelops hallcest, dormcest, friendcest, and any other -cest you can think of.  This is pretty hard to avoid at Kenyon, you'll eventually find yourself in the arms of that guy who hooked up with your friend freshman year and had a thing with your other friend last semester and now he lives on your hall.  Not to mention you probably hooked up with his friend and now everyone is connected and should go get checked out by the health center.  It'll be awkward, but just hope you don't get stuck riding in the Caples elevator with him because that's the only thing that will make it more awkward.

5.  The Artistic Guy - Calling all drama, music, and art majors!  This is your category.  You'll hook up with this guy because he's so in touch with his feelings and the only thing separating him and his ironic sweater from a "Nice Guy" is his art installation of something that resembles a malignant vagina.  You'll sip black coffee or tea at middle ground and compare indie music.  You'll try to understand the obsession he has with Kevin Rich.  In the end it'll all be worth it when you're in bed with perfect lighting and some dulcet tones are playing in the background.

6.  The Guy With A Cause - Be it political, personal or cultural, you will have to feign interest in whatever this guy is all up on his soapbox about.  His passion will attract you, but after a while it's really hard to keep up with all the current events while not eating meat and buying T-shirts to support orphaned goats.  You may not understand, but hopefully you have a couple of tricks to get him to stop talking and occupy the bedroom instead.

Honorable Mention (falling as a sub-category to all the categories listed above) - The Hipster - Get your mason jars ready, your sweater on, your glasses cleaned, and head on down to the Horn to listen to some band you've never head of before.  Your iTunes library will expand, the neighborhood food co-op will sound more appealing, and hopefully you two can stop talking about philosophy long enough ride something other than your vintage bike.