XX Chromosomes

I thought I was a feminist until I came to Kenyon.  This may seem odd because Kenyon is so obsessed with gender equality and feminism, but some days I really feel excluded.  I like to wear makeup, do my hair, flirt with boys, and yes sometimes I think it could fall under "objectifying myself" but I always feel like a strong woman making choices I have no regrets about...or I guess I can't use the word "woman" because it has man in it.  Um, female?  No...that includes male.  Girl?  No, not that either, that word treats women as juveniles.  Lady?  Oh wait, that starts with "lad."  Please explain to me how I am supposed to refer to my own gender.  Or is it my own sex because it's a biological difference I'm talking about?  It's so easy to get confused!  And heaven forbid I refer to myself as a bitch.  Reclaim it!

At points I feel alienated for my views about the female gender.  I call women annoying, because let's face it girls, we are!  I would never want to deal with myself.  Half the time I don't even know why I'm upset.  I use a little extra cleavage to get discounts on things.  I wear clothes that accent my body and makeup to make my face look better.  I love a good push-up bra.  I don't feel like I have to do any of these things, but I think they work to my advantage.

I'm not sure why everything needs a separate "female" category or group.  It's as if women feel like in order to be noticed in a field they have to start their own subgroup.  We learned about the Women in Psychology group in Psych of Women today and it made me think, they're already in the field of psychology why can't they just play well with the men.  Why do they need their own subgroup?  Why do we have powderpuff football and regular football.  Why do we need to point out women in the arts or women in literature?  Just by having a career in the arts you're a woman in the arts, do you really need a group to point it out and in a way perpetuate the idea that men and women are separate in career fields?

This article on a website I frequent called HelloGiggles (one of the three founders was Zooey Deschanel, holla!) sort of explained my feelings on this.  The author wrote a previous post on types of gamers but didn't add "Girl Gamers" because girl is a gender not a category.  This website has been called anti-feminist by some people because it features posts about "cute things" or stereotypical girl interests like clothing, men, rom-coms, cooking.  Just because I like to watch youtube videos of baby animals while saving money on dresses and baking cookies for my boyfriend before going to yoga does NOT mean I'm antifeminist.  It just means I like dresses, cute things, being nice, and exercise.  I also like bad 80's rock, leather jackets, and learning about wars.  Being feminist has absolutely nothing to do with your interests, it has to do with feeling comfortable in your own skin.

I think a feminist looks like any woman who is confident with herself and achieves in what she sets out to do.  If that means she uses her sexuality to get ahead I see no problem with that.  A lot of women I know at Kenyon say that's bad, it's putting women behing and overly sexualizing them and I think that's bullshit.  Why can't a woman use her looks to get ahead?  Being a human is about using the whole package, that includes beauty and brains.  I want to be an actress and I know that in that field I will be judged for how I look, I will be typecast and have to appear a certain way.  That's just the profession, the men have to do it to.  You look at celebrities like Britney Spears for example, and see her videos thinking "Wow, it's sad that society's standards force female entertainers to overly sexualize themselves and dance around almost naked."  But you know what?  She found success, and there's nothing wrong with being a woman and using your sexuality to your advantage.

In some ways I think the way I think of feminism falls under "Liberal Feminism."  It's about individual empowerment.  And I'll be honest, I haven't had enough Psychology of Women classes yet to really speak about feminism in the broader sense, this is just my experience at Kenyon.  So hopefully I didn't grievously offend anyone, and I'd like to hear other opinions on this.  I know in some ways I'm very naive to the feminist movement, I just know what I've experienced and I'm probably wrong about a lot of things.

I know this post wasn't of my usual sarcastic and hopefully humorous nature and that's because I've been using all my recent joke ideas of my stand up routine.  So, if I haven't made you mad, or if I have and you want to throw Gloria Steinem books at me, come to the 2 Drink Minimum show on Saturday at 10!  With an opening act featuring my suite mate, the one, the only...Johnny Melodica!

If Everyone Cut Their Hair, Would You?

The inevitable has happened.  After years of getting my hair cut shorter and shorter, I have reached the point of no return.  My hair is too short.  And not in an edgy "I like girls now" kind of way; in a shrub kind of way.  I keep going back and forth between panic attacks of not being castable until it grows out and panic attacks of never hooking up again.  Either way, panic and a dry spell.

I have a theory that most girls at Kenyon will chop off all their hair at some point in their four years, or at least seriously contemplate it.  Now, I have become a self-fulfilling prophesy and I have to admit it's really nice to roll out of bed, comb my hair with my fingers and be done.  But I am nowhere near used to what I look like without hair to cover my neck, so in avoiding all the mirrors in my house I have found a plethora of new time to listen to more 80's music and contemplate the positives of a not-so-flattering new haircut.

1.  I won't get asked out in coffee shops by men over 50.  If you're using the line "come here often?"  you're too old for me, sweetie.

2.  I won't get asked out by men at all.  I can explore the uncharted territory of looking like a pre-pubescent boy.  I'll drive all the tween Twilight fans crazy.

3.  I don't have to brush my hair.  Now I will finally know what it's like to be a guy and just roll out of bed and head to class.  I can also give myself a killer mohawk.

4.  My neck will never get overheated.

5.  If I wear a hat I can look bald.  (Not sure if that's a plus, but it's an interesting effect)

6.  Short hair makes you feel spunky.  I've never really felt spunky before and while I still haven't achieved manic pixie dream girl status, the wannabe femme fatale in me has officially left the building.

Another plus that's sort of unrelated: winter break is over!  After a month at home I am more than ready to return to Kenyon, the land of short hair and flannel.  And the 8 hours of travel time are going to be so much better now that I don't have to worry about messing up my hair when I fall asleep on my tray table.  

Let the Countdown Begin...

Well hello, 2012!  Happy last year of existence, Earth!

I rang in my final New Year with my family in a cabin in the middle of the woods.  No champagne, no party, just pajamas and trivial pursuit.  I really started the year off with a bang.  BUT since it is my last year alive (thank you Mayans) I plan to make the most of it.  I figure since I wasn't Rapture-d and have survived the chaos thus far, the end of the world should probably be able to finish me off.  That and the fact that the only thing I find relevant about the Mayans in my day-to-day life is the delicious Mayan hot chocolate at Moonstruck.

I just want a cup of this waiting for me on the other side

Since I am now facing my own mortality I was kindly reminded that I was baptized when I was younger by my grandmother.  Since my immediate family is not religious my grandmother took it upon herself to ensure that her grandchildren did not wind up in Hell.  She got permission from her preacher (so it's legit) and waited until my parents were out of the house.  After ensuring the secrecy of her holy act, she baptized my brother and me in a bathroom sink and a couple years later, my sister in a river.  So, I know I'm safe as an unlocked bike at Kenyon, what about you?

My favorite part of starting a new year is reading everyone's Facebook statuses.  And laughing.  Let's all be honest, not only do I not need to see your New Year's resolutions but we all know that most likely, you aren't going to follow through on them.  At least the specific ones.  Yes, we all want to have "A GREAT NEW YEAR!"  because "OMG 2011 SUCKED" but we all know that when next year rolls around you'll just be complaining about how 2012 was terrible and "2013 IS MY YEAR GRRL"...good thing the world is ending so I won't have to read about it.  Or my personal favorite, the 365 picture challenge, that about half the people I know start every year, and only about one actually finishes.  It's a great idea, really...you should totally go for it.

Well I started 2012 off with a new blog design and knowledge on how to jump a car.  So, I think it's shaping up to be a pretty good year.  Or at least average.  So I say let's go into this year sprinting and see how many crazy hijinks I can get into before it all ends.  Since I was baptized I'll end up in heaven, and no one else there is going to have any good stories to tell.

Merry Kyle-mas!

Kyle wanted to wish you all a very merry Christmas, and when Kyle gets his mind set on something...well...you'll just have to see for yourself.

While Kyle may not be the best at lip-synching, this video is guaranteed to at least be less disturbing than The Santa Clause.  A movie whose whole premise is that Time Allen KILLS Santa and then steals his identity and his staff of sociopathic child-elves who don't seem to care at all that Santa Claus DIED.  My mom didn't let us watch that movie as kids because she didn't want us thinking that Tim Allen was Santa...or that you could become Santa through involuntary manslaughter.

It is also less creepy than Oh Ho Ho, the decorative Santa head with real human teeth that was once owned by my great grandfather, the dentist. 

However, it does resemble a train wreck, a car crash and any other horrific event that you just can't seem to peel your eyes away from.  So, without further ado, Kyle and I wish you all a very merry Christmas!

Home for the Holidays

So it's officially winter break and that means you and all of your old friends (and people who think they're your friends) are back home!  Great.  That means listening to everyone's CrAzY college stories, telling that guy you're still not interested, eating your weight in Christmas cookies, and having that annual conversation with your relatives that yes you still want to be an actress, no you have not grown out of it, yes you are out of your mind, please pass the sparkling cider.  Oh, that's just me?  Well, you're missing out on prime familial disappointment, let me tell you.

Winter break is funny...all those people you swore you'd never see again after you left for college, you'll see them.  It's like when you were still in high school and told your parents they should treat you like an adult because "in a few years I'll be in the REAL WORLD!"  And then you got to college and realized it's the farthest thing from the real world you will ever experience.  Yeah, life is like that.  You come home for the holidays and realize that though you may have left, absolutely nothing else has changed.

Except that is, for all of the best friends you seem to have acquired.  You don't realize how many "friends" you had in high school until you come home for break.  Suddenly nearly every 18-20 year old is your old chum and wants to catch up at holiday themed parties chock full of peppermint bark and self promotion.  It's hard being the only one at a college no one knows about.  All of your friends want to make sure you know that they're having a great time majoring in business/advertising/chemistry, have rushed Theta Alpha Zeta Beta Phi and let's face it, there are only so many times I can hear about frat parties and fast food restaurants on campus before I want to stone people with the pebbles on Middle Path.  Kenyon is cool too guys!  We had a movie filmed on campus over the summer with that guy from How I Met Your Mother...no, not Neil Patrick Harris...

So I'm bracing myself to spend another winter break convincing people that just because it's in the middle of farmland, Kenyon is not a vocational school, and after they believe that it's actually a liberal arts school, that I do not spend my days singing songs, holding hands, and occupying everything.

But really it's the questions from my family that put the cherry on top of winter break.  Not only do I have to defend my major, lack of boyfriend, and the fact that I do actually have social skills, but my brother just got accepted to all three of the schools he applied to.  With large scholarships.  While he gets to celebrate and bathe in hundred dollar bills, I get reminded that I spent my winter break senior year frantically writing supplement essays after I got deferred from Vassar.  I was forced to finish one application a day for a week...and when I say forced I mean my mother all but chained me to the kitchen table as I slowly regressed to childhood, surrounded by coloring books and sucking my thumb.  I don't actually know all the schools I applied to, my mom just opened the laptop and told me to write.  After a day of that she gave up and wrote helped me write two generic application essays which were then Frankenstein-ed together to fit any application's supplement.

But really, I'm happy to be home with my queen sized bed and shower that I don't have to wear flip-flops in.  And I have the 007 Days of Christmas marathon to look forward to!  So really, in the grand scheme of things, what's not to love about break?

PS:  My mom and dad really do love me and support my crazy dreams.  I should give them credit for living with a perpetual five year old, they really are great.

The Big Friendly Elephant in the Room

Hey you!  Yes, you!  Congrats on surviving finals!  I just finished and am in a weird manic state of too tired to function yet still don't feel like its okay to sleep for 17 hours until I have to get on the shuttle to CMH.  I have in the past week broken two mugs and a terrarium, downed approximately 100 cups of coffee, slept a total of 7 hours, and read more on modernist theater than anyone ever cared to know.  So manic is kind of my thing.  I make it work.

However, I have had time to peruse Facebook during my week from hell and I don't know about you, but one video in particular kept blowing up my newsfeed.  In my opinion there's only so many times people can "share" a video until it's been on everyone's newsfeed and should stop being posted.

So without further ado, let me share with you a video you've probably already seen too many times:

Here's the thing.  I already knew this.  This was already established 20 years ago:

Sidenote:  You only really need to watch the first minute of this clip, the rest is superfluous.  Except it really is a great movie...with a really great soundtrack.  So maybe you should watch the rest of the clip.  And then go to Netflix, I think it's still on instant.  It's not like you're doing anything better with your time right now.

So, I totally believe this!  This is not even up for debate!  Men and women simply cannot be just friends no matter how many girls refuse to pull their heads out of the sand.  Either he was attracted to you or you were attracted to him at some point, I don't care when or for how long but it happened.  Personally I have never been able to have a male "just friend."  It's kind of like a sneak attack, one day you're best buds and the next day you're waking to up a foggy memory of making out to the soft background noise of Titanic.  Again.

That being said, being "friends with benefits" is simply not feasible either.  Sorry I'm not sorry, there's no way that works unless you're a heartless monster or a man.  Emotions always get in the way.  Sex gets in the way of emotions, emotions get in the way of sex, the world is round.  What else is new?

Now, go home and hook up with someone new, we've all been dealing with the incestuous hook-up culture that is Kenyon for too long.  I bet that "friend" from high school would be willing.

What is Studying?

A (short) list of TV shows you should be watching right now but probably aren't because you're more responsible than me.  But if you need a study break (or an excuse to continue to not study), get on Hulu or Sidereel and maybe after you watch all 9 episodes of American Horror Story in one sitting it will finally start snowing.  Or you'll need to turn a nightlight on.  It's a toss up.

1.  Once Upon a Time:  This is what I image my life to be like.  No, you're wrong, I'm not actually a student at Kenyon College, I'm a princess who just happens to have fallen under an evil spell and can't remember my previous life.  The writers of this TV show totally read my middle school diary.  The only problem is that every time I finish an episode I want to listen to Adele and look listlessly out my window for Prince Charming.  Then I remember I'm in college...and laugh.

2.  American Horror Story:  Watch this show for Jessica Lange's character, Constance.  Do it.  Now.  Why are you still reading this?  I don't even have anything clever to say about it.

3.  New Girl:  Sometimes I think the parallels between Jess and what I would be like if I hadn't learned to not always speak my internal monologues are a little too close.  But actually.  This show makes me laugh for the whole 30 minutes, every time.  And while I'm not a huge fan of Zooey Deschanel as an actress, I am a fan of proving that women can be hilarious.  That, and I really want this to happen to me at some point in my life.  Those are some real men.

4.  Bones:  Come for the dead bodies, stay for the characters.  Oh, and the fact that this might be one of the first shows to actually resolve the sexual tension between the main characters, and survive.  Booth and Brennan 4LYFE!

Well I still have half an episode of Bones some reading left.  I hope this at least gave you a solid five minutes of procrastination.